52 Things You Don't Know About Sam Merlotte
by wicked18writer
Summary: Everyone gets a list about Sam! Sequel to the "Things You Don't Know About Eric Northman, "Pam Ravenscroft" and "Sookie Stackhouse"


52 Things You Don't Know About Sam Merlotte

**Summary:** Everyone gets a list about Sam! Sequel to the "Things You Don't Know About Eric Northman, "Pam Ravenscroft" and "Sookie Stackhouse"

**Rating:** T for language and suggestion

**Author:** wicked18writer

**Spoilers:** There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it.

**A/N: **I just finished reading Dead in the Family, and now am sad because I'm done. I wish I read slower so the experience could have lasted longer…. sad. Also, I'm going down in the number of items on the list so I don't have 6 fic's that start with '55 Things'.

Also, no beta no proofreading, so point out mistakes and I'll correct them!

To Whom It May Concern,

I asked my friend Sam Merlotte and my brother Jason Stackhouse to write a list about things others don't know about me. Following their choice to make the list as vulgar as possible, and their choice to send it to everyone in town via a mass email, I have written one in retaliation, as immature as it may be. Let it be known that Lafayette Reynolds helped me write this list about Sam.

So, enjoy!

Sincerely,

Sookie Stackhouse

_Begin each sentence on the list with '__**Sam':**_

1 Spends a lot of time naked in the woods

2 Stopped watching 'The Simpson's' after episode 11 season 9, where Mr. Burns sings 'See My Vest'

3 Is allergic to people with pet allergies

4 Will smell your butt when he first meets you, but its not a sexual thing, he does that with everyone

5 Sheds, a lot

6 Likes to shit in the woods because there is no need for Febreze

7 Hates Steve-O from 'Jackass' because he ate a goldfish and then threw it back up, alive

8 Would do well on the show Survivor

9 Is a member of the Bob Barker fan club for his work on getting pets spayed and neutered

10 Once attempted to kill a vampire with a tooth pick

11 Has watched 'Homeward Bound' 35 times

12 Has watched "All Dogs Go To Heaven" 68 times

13 Has never seen "Old Yeller" or "Cujo"

14 Prefers Jacob Black from Twilight to the fake American accented foofy haired emo sparkly Edward Cullen

15 _REALLY_ likes fire hydrants

16 Thinks people named 'Timmy' are really needy and deserve to die down wells

17 Once said that "101 Dalmatians" is the scariest movie he's ever seen, not only because of how evil Cruella De Vil is, but because in that movie Pongo marries Perdita and then bam he's got a 101 children

18 Likes to bite…a little…

19. …Does not like to suck

20 Loves to watch Brian and Stewie on 'Family Guy'…

21 …Did not enjoy the episode where they were locked in a vault

22 Likes to stick his head out the window and let his tongue loll

23 Has a crush on Jason but won't ever admit it…

24 Has a crush on Sookie but would never act on it…

25 Has a fascination with Pam, but only when in costume at Fangtasia

26 Is smarter than Flipper

27 Doesn't mind how small his trailer is cause he's hardly ever in it, cause he considers the whole of the outdoors his _real home_

28 Only likes to be ridden as a horse…

29. …Really likes that scene in the movie 'Secretary' with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader

30 Was also scarred for life after seeing the _living_ headless chicken at a carnival

31 Would never flush a baby alligator down a toilet, no matter how ornery they are

32 Loves to watch the animal planet network…

33 …Shark week in particular …

34 …Hates the 'Dog Whisperer'

35 Has been asked if he is related to Al Gore…

36 …And Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer…

37 …And the Elephant Man

38 Takes great offense to the phrase "If you lie with dogs, your going to wake up with fleas" …

39 …Is not fond of the phrase "Chickening out" either…

40 …However loves the phrase "Let sleeping dogs lie"

41 Published several children's books entitled "Who Says the Cow Goes Moo?" and "Nice Guys Finish Last, So To Get The Girl, Lie and Be A Dick" and "Goodnight Moon, HHHHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL"

42 Wears sparkly pink underwear, when not going commando

43 When happy sort of twitches his butt from side to side

44 Has been to comic-con dressed as Chewbacca

45 Is friend with the cat that can detect who will die next

46 Hates really clean windows and glass

47 Likes to bury things in his yard and hide his money rather than use a conventional bank

48 Thinks that _pretending_ to throw a ball for a dog to fetch is cruel and unusual punishment

49 Does not like Phil the mailman…

50 …And Phil has the bite marks on his leg to prove it

51 Would be a great asset to the sheriff department…in the K-9 unit

52 Is technically a cannibal

**A/N: Review lots and I'll work harder on getting Jason and Lafayette's list done faster! **Love it when you all tell me your favorite items on the lists!

**A/N: **If you're the kind of reader who reviews, review me. If you're the kind of reader who just reads and doesn't review, telepathically send me a message telling me what you think of the story…and if your not telepathic you know the whole review button works too.


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